My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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