what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sext me about skeletons
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize