I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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