well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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