How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
