There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
