I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
