My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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