Michael Bay diarrhea
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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