Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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