Too much gin, very little bucket
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize