It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
