I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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