Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize