I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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