Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize