oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
