I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
