Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
