im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
