I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
