I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
