We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
