New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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