At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Girls should come with a carfax report
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize