Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
