Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
