I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize