tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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