Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
