just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
