we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
