I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
