last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
