Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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