I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize