I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
