I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
