If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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