Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
