Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
