my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
