my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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