he fucked my hip out of place.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
