Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
