I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
