If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
