her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
