There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
