Don't make out with my wife yet
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize