Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
