why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
