chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
