So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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