Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
