I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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