I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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