So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
