My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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