I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
