I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
