You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
