Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
