Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
