awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
