Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
