you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
