Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize