you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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