Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
