i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
