I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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