I like to think it a success when the cops are called
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
