so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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