I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize