So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
