I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
