Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
