This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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