Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
