dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
